it is not that i don't appreciate what you did for me.
yesterday you came down with my sunflower.
i was happy.
i just needed you here
now.
just to talk to me.
to comfort me.
if you are too busy say so
it is alright.
i'm fine with it.
just need you to say so.
i don't know what to do anymore.
maybe sometimes i shld really just shut my mouth.


looks like i will never be able to be happy.
being happy is never gonna happen to me.
i'll only be happy for awhile
not for long.

sometimes i feel that it is really time for me to be real independent
then i wonder
so what's the point of having a boyfriend if i have to be independent
i am really stress
no one is there for me to sulk at to talk to.
not even my very own boyfriend.
so i'm here to sulk to my blog.
i doubt anyone hardly some to visit my blog
except maybe one or two who really care.
well
whoever is reading
please keep me in prayer
alot prayer
i feel like i'm going to collapse anytime
i need a pillar to lean on.

1st i went to school this afternoon to go my ns5 which is still not done til now.
i was being dragged out of bed, out of responsibility over my project
to be here online.
and here i am online
and my groupmates told me that i just need to check the slides.
come online just to check the slides?!
sigh.
i was going to sleep you know?
but it's alright
that wasn't the worst part
nothing of today has a WORST part.
just that everything tgt become the WORST.
waited for them for dinner
they didn't wanna go to the hawker
so i decided to go home instead
come home
thinking that my lovely brother will be at home to eat dinner with me
in the end
i ate maggi mee at home alone.
watching the tv
then my brother say
jie, can you dont watch too much tv
i cannot practice my piano
WTH
you wanna practice piano dont know how to use your mouth to ask?

right now i am really tired
but not sleepy at all
everything's jumbled up in my mind.
my life's screwed.
not even my closest one could be here for me.
it is not major actions i need
it is the minor ones
you'll nv understand.
i'm really tired.

i feel weak.
mentally physically spiritually and emotionally.
basically i am just so weak.
i have no one.
not even you baby.
i feel so lost.
i got no one to talk to.
not even you baby.

i miss the times we used to have
the fun.
not all this misunderstanding.


you expect me to be understanding.
who is going to be understanding towards me.
i needed you.
you weren't there again.

time and time again
disappointment.
sadness, just overwhelm.

what have i done to not deserve the right treatment from people around me?


i am seriously disappointed this time round
like totally
worst than the other time
i really don't know how to phrase it anymore
i am just disappointed.
feels like there's no one i can lean on.

\i feel lost.

it just screwed my day
my mood.
yea.
I HATE MONDAY.
if you hate mondays too
say yeah with me
YEAH!

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings. At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

PSYCHOLOGIST!
hahaha!
the future "dr thomas"~
er maybe not.


happen to see this at ruth's blog.
and i realised it's been so long since i last took such quizzes.

What Esther Lim Wan Shin Means

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

sometimes taking such quizzes is really encouraging
because the results are always so positive
we just want to hear things nice about us
people's compliment for us.
seriously i did felt a little encouraged.
and feel a little better about myself.
so don't bring me down.


i'm kinda disappointed in myself.
i dont know why
got another warning letter for my WPD.
what the hell la.
i went for her blooding boring lecture
and still i got warning letter.
damn it.
this is damn sian la.
i just hope that i don't get debarred
and i want them to explain about my warning.
is it the tutorial or the lecture?
it feels random
getting a warning letter from WPD.

seriously can't wait to graduate.
i mean, we are already third year student.
don't make life tough for us.
it's not like we flunk our papers
i manage to pass all my modules!
WITHOUT attending ALL the lectures.
this is just unfair.
..

WPDNAPFACTFYP/


surely God is faithful and his love endures forever.
through the hard times he'll carry me.
through the sad times he'll comfort me.
when i'm happy he'll celebrate and dance with me.
surely he is AWESOME.

help me Lord.
to deal with unfairness in my life.
a living sacrifice to you.

yeah
and its racial harmony day tml!
we shall take alot of pictures okie?
hopefully someone brings a camera and
that that someone will upload and send the pictures!
woohoo.
somehow
i dont know why
i'm kinda in a good mood now.
feel this peace?
this comfortable feeling.

to my love, my only boyfriend.
my sugar honey baby boy.
you cutie boy.
thanks for your patience your love and everything
despite me pmsing like mad
hurting you so much
emotionally physically
and yea.
i do feel guilty.
not just becos of the damages i've done
but becos i love you.
and i nv wanna hurt you.
stay with me okie?
don't leave me like the rest. :(
cause when it get dark and scary and intimidating out there
i need someone to be with me.
i need someone to comfort me.
and you are my best candidate.

i'm not gonna write you a love song
cos' you want me to
cos' you need one
i'm gonna write you a love song
simply becos i want to.
i love you.



when everyone get so/too individual.
didn't even know there's a freaking ns5 lecture today.
of cos i am pissed.
none of my friends/classmates actually breathe a shit about it
1st the it the choosing of our IS module
now its this shit
sigh.
disappointed
that's all i can say.
about the napfa,
i gave them whatever information i had
when they did not even bother to go for the last lecture of the day when doctor pang came to addressed about it.
i could have been selfish.
i really can't wait to complete my blooding diploma and get my ass out of this school.
disappointment.
that's all.
which led to frustration.
guess i just have to be independent.
just do my part and ignore the rest.
damn it.
it just make me so pissed off.

really disappointed.
sigh.

happy birthday to minghui.


PMS.
STAY AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANNA GET BITTEN

alright.
basically
today is the one bring one service
and i brought no one.
my friend, no one.
sometimes i really wonder how they actually expect us to bring friends to church.
it's like when i brought friends
my friends got left out.
they had bad impressions of my church
already they had bad experiences with other churches.
it is just had for me to bring friends to church.
not that i don't have the courage or the "force" to get them to come.
it's just that i don't want them to have even worse impression of coming to church.
well
who says you can only testify to them in church. :)

people who cares only about the surface
God knows the desires in our hearts.

i think my parent's Christian education classes are so much better than the classes we are having in youth.
no offense
just feel that way.
and i feel sad upon feeling that way.

leaving me out. :)
i'm glad it's like that.
right now.

oh and mr. LAPPY is finally back home with me.
was with boyfriend for the past few days.
need it back from him for my projects and stuff.
so YEAH!



and.
we had gone through ups and downs together.
happy 6 months my dear.
:)
my baby boy
just needs more pampering than normal boys.

alright now.
dear Lord i would like to just commit my dear friend meijie into your hands
i just pray that Lord you will watch over her entire family.
through this tough time that they are going through
the devil is here to kill steal and destroy
but Lord you restore
for you shelter us from scary storms.
i just pray for more strength and courage in my little friend
she may be small and petite but her potential is great.
just bless her.
and just help her through all the difficulties.
one day may she be touched by your awesome love.
thank you.
in Jesus' name i pray.
AMEN.

and coming sunday is our one bring one service
i have no idea of who to bring.
so yea.
whoever is free this coming sunday at 10am
wanna come my church?
hahahaha.
what a lousy invitation. bleh.
doubt i'll be bringing anyone. =/

oh well.
busy days are coming baby.
patience, we need more.
love you.



because i love you so.
so don't go breaking my heart;
spent my day out with my boy.
i did went school for class
just skipped my last lecture
which i have been saving to for rainy days like today.
:)
just feel that we haven't been spending a day out tgt
so i had saved today for my boy.
we went for sushi and watched a movie.
watched this movie called the deception
erm.
i would say it's a rather interesting movie
it kept me thinking though
it is quite torturing to my mind.
shld have watched something else
something more entertaining
but well
didn't allow it to spoil our day

oh oh oh
hahaha.
i guess wenyan and i got this telepathy thing!
we met each other coincidentally in bus 190
while i was on the way to church
and she was on the way to meet her mummy daddy.
then today!
i saw her at the cathay
waiting for her friends
studying tgt
and her friend's boyfriend is actually ken's primary school track and field friend!
coincidence
SMALL small world.

my day was good.
just that it could have been better
yeah.
i do things to please you just so that you will be happy.
simply because you are important to me.
and baby, we are going to 6 months.