the story of my life.

i'm born in a so called "perfert" family
i have my mother and father still intact tgt
a typical brother who is 4 yrs younger
we were very close since we were young
cos we still tgt thru all those shit that happened to us,
which partially are unknown to our parents.

we are christian
and our extented family were mostly unbelievers
so since young we face persecutions from them
cousins will say things about us
bully us at times.
therefore since young, i start to develope this inferiority
well, people may look at me now and say,
you've got everything in life that is good
you look confident to me
but i guess i do put on a storng front in front of everyone
just so to hide this lousy side of me unknown.

the nightmare started when i was in primary sch
both of us were handed over to my eldest aunty from my paternal side of family, to take care of us while both my parents are at work.
partly becos the pri sch i studied in is near her place
so during the day we stayed at her place and at night, sometimes really late at night then my parents will come to fetch us home
it is not like my aunty do not love us.
she loved us alot, like her own.
its just that she has her family.
and my cousins hated us for some reason, i dont know.
even till now i do not know why thay had to treat us this way.
it has always been this hostile treatment
it may sound ridiculous
but it really happened to me, in my life.
and my little brother
we were so young then, and how can i protect him.
i shall not go into details for that
cos it's a past filled with shame and unhappiness.

sometimes i even wake up feeling scared
like today, i woke up feeling so upset about it.
i wondered why God put me thru all these sufferings.
in a way i've grown and learnt lessons from it.
but its a lesson that i'll nv forget.
its a scar so deep that can nv be removed.
i hate my life.
the devil gets in to "psycho" me to end my life.
but i believe there's other purpose in life than just complaining about my sadness.

God breaks the soil, to make the plants grow ; He breaks the clouds, to pour down rain ; He breaks bread, to nourish our souls ; Let us then be thankful, when he breaks our lives ; Our rhythm, our securities and our hearts ; He must be on to something good