catchME;i don't wanna fall.

the sad truth

2009-10-05T12:30:00.004+08:00

the story of my life.

i'm born in a so called "perfert" family
i have my mother and father still intact tgt
a typical brother who is 4 yrs younger
we were very close since we were young
cos we still tgt thru all those shit that happened to us,
which partially are unknown to our parents.

we are christian
and our extented family were mostly unbelievers
so since young we face persecutions from them
cousins will say things about us
bully us at times.
therefore since young, i start to develope this inferiority
well, people may look at me now and say,
you've got everything in life that is good
you look confident to me
but i guess i do put on a storng front in front of everyone
just so to hide this lousy side of me unknown.

the nightmare started when i was in primary sch
both of us were handed over to my eldest aunty from my paternal side of family, to take care of us while both my parents are at work.
partly becos the pri sch i studied in is near her place
so during the day we stayed at her place and at night, sometimes really late at night then my parents will come to fetch us home
it is not like my aunty do not love us.
she loved us alot, like her own.
its just that she has her family.
and my cousins hated us for some reason, i dont know.
even till now i do not know why thay had to treat us this way.
it has always been this hostile treatment
it may sound ridiculous
but it really happened to me, in my life.
and my little brother
we were so young then, and how can i protect him.
i shall not go into details for that
cos it's a past filled with shame and unhappiness.

sometimes i even wake up feeling scared
like today, i woke up feeling so upset about it.
i wondered why God put me thru all these sufferings.
in a way i've grown and learnt lessons from it.
but its a lesson that i'll nv forget.
its a scar so deep that can nv be removed.
i hate my life.
the devil gets in to "psycho" me to end my life.
but i believe there's other purpose in life than just complaining about my sadness.

God breaks the soil, to make the plants grow ; He breaks the clouds, to pour down rain ; He breaks bread, to nourish our souls ; Let us then be thankful, when he breaks our lives ; Our rhythm, our securities and our hearts ; He must be on to something good

2009-07-07T23:42:00.001+08:00

you know what.
something it's better to shut up.

ANYWAY
passed my driving test!
damn happy.
was damn scared!
woohoo!

happy 1yr 6 months dear.
you have been the one. :)

2009-06-28T22:46:00.003+08:00

recently watched "i love you, man"

then i realised my circle of friends are minimalising.
and it kinda scares me.
when i say friends
as in people who i can really count on.
not just those hi and bye friends
who come and go as they like.

so far wenyan has been the only one i've been constantly meeting
the reason why we have been able to meet up
is probably becos we're willing to take time out of busy schedule.

i really do miss my friends in sec sch
but i'm really scared to organised something and get rejected all over again like before.
so it's pointless afterall.

2009-06-11T09:01:00.000+08:00

i'm kinda depressed.
and really sorry.
sigh.
many times i just think that i'm not suitable to be a nurse
i'm too careless too blur.
i don't know.

i was having terrible gastric pain which last all the way up til now.
i was totally dying.
yet i shld have checked on it.
sigh.
i just don't know.
this sucks.
truely sucks.
i'm not blaming people for not teaching me.
i guess i'm just not proactive enough.
sigh.
this is sucky!
i've never felt this terrible before.
i'm just not good enough.

ahh! :(

2009-06-06T10:34:00.000+08:00

i don't mean to be straight forward or to be stupid with my words.
sometimes it sucks to have friends
cos in the end you're left with only friend.

quit saying about meeting up when meeting up never come true.
i believe if you really make an effort to do so,
we would have met up.
i guess people have different piority and different level of friendship
and different level of friendship is being placed at different priority.
it sucks to be proven that our friendship is being placed so lowly.
really.
i don't wanna sulk about it.
but yea
just forget it.
it's good that things somehow turn out to be this way.

i am speechless really.
and disappointed
after all these years.

2009-06-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

when all it turns is just for you to back off and get lost.
cos i really don't wanna hear of you.
don't ever wanna meet you.
i hate to have to fake this "friendship"

part of me, deep in me.
still prays for you.
hoping someday you'll be good.
but part of me felt like i've given up long ago.
thinking that you're hopeless.

oh well.
whatever
just stop those stunts
really can't stand you.

2009-05-27T17:12:00.000+08:00

i am so freaking pissed with the system.
and freaking piss with the doctor!
is it my fault that the lab result take so long to get to me?
is it my fault that the specimen wasn't sent on time?!

whatever.
bullshit!
all these doctors speak without brain.
as if they took their brain out to talk to nurses.

cut all the attitude problem.
try to give each other a better working environment please.

2009-05-24T15:35:00.000+08:00

location: raffles hospital ward 8 station c

yes, that's right i'm updating my blog while at work.
it is freaking sian and boring.
i feel so sian and bored to the extent that i wanna just stop working here.
the pressure and uncertainty are just so unpredictable.
not trying to complain or what.
but really
i still feel incompetent and stuff.
i still need a preceptor to guide me.
there's still lots more for me to learn before sending me taking care of a station all by my side.
i'm basically bored to death.

rah.

anyway,
life has been all about working
churching
meeting up my girls.
actually girl
wenyan's the only one i've been meeting up with lately.
i doubt anyone would come ask me out if i didn't asked them 1st
anyway
it is true what's the past is the past.
i still do miss sec sch
but yea
it has been long enough of all this missing.

i've yet to post pictures of my self in my uniform. hahas.
that's becos my lappy plus my com are laggy like turtle.
i can't do anything fast with them
so yea.
probably just have to wait
so can just drop by RH to give me a surprise. hahaha!

whatever.
..

2009-05-14T00:11:00.000+08:00

yea. i'm back again. after being missing for a month.
been really busy with work.
and of course also because my desktop and my lappy were both down with some irritating viruses
therefore i couldn't update my blog.
anyway, i'll be having my driving test on the 7 july.
haha. nice date uh.
hopefully i'll pass, then i need not spend anymore on bbdc.
then i wouldn't need to go bbdc ever again!

haha.
oh ohh. 11th may was my graduation day
dad mum and hengjun all went.
:)
was good.
one thing for sure,
i'm gonna miss going school.

it sucks to be a working adult.

talking about working.
the HR screwed up my 1st pay check.
so practically, i've been eating myself.
my 1st pay and they screwed it up.
how sad.
nonetheless, ......... RH!

today i took a cab to work and spent 19 bucks on the cab fare.
not because its my fault that i'm late for work.
but simply because my ward sister did not notify me about the changes in my schedule.
it was quite frustrating.
but its alright.
its over.
within my short few weeks working as a staff nurse
i've met MANY difficulties and unhappiness.
still i shall endure and strive on.
what to do? i need the experience
and i need money.
and i am a nurse
if i don't do nursing, what else can i do?

2009-04-14T00:34:00.000+08:00

alright. 1st day of work.
is busy like shit!
serving medications.
seriously, i can't cope.
i just can't.
the ward is just too messy.
but yea.
i'll pull through.
that's a challenge for myself. :)
yea.

sometimes its just hard to let go of the past isn't it?
but well, we all have to learn to let go
and move forward.
we all grew together
bonded so strongly
reminds me of the older batch of them.

and yeah! tues is my off day.
what a slacker uh?
monday's my 1st day
and tues' my off day!
yeahh!

2009-04-11T01:13:00.001+08:00

in less than 48 hours.
i am going to start being a professional staff nurse.
haha.
goodness
i truly do feel old.

met up with aaron and yuxuan
went for joram's baptism at heart of God's church.
its nice to meet up old friends.
catch up a little.
talk about the old days.
yea.

sentimental.

just like the dream i had.

sometimes i wonder how have you been.
i just wanna probably bump into you or something.
just have some small talks like before.
i guess i do miss you.
you have somehow became such great distraction in my life.
and its just unfair.
unfair to me.
it is very distracting and DISTURBING to randomly have dreams like that.
it just bothers me.

anyway, i forgot to tell you about the dream.
i hope you understand.
like i did told you before.

sigh.
i feeling emo all over again.
yet i'm covering up for myself.
argh.
i don't know.

happy april's fool

2009-04-01T23:33:00.002+08:00

alright. hey yo pple. i'm back blogging again.
since life has been so busy and stuff like that
can't really meet up with my beloved friends, therefore i shall go back to blogging.
this will keep us in tune.
so girls, do read my blog often for updates okie? :)

back from mission trip last monday.
though been to two mission trips before this.
but this cebu mission is definitely something different from the rest.
seeing those kids in the teen challenge centre worshipping God,
made me really ashamed of myself.
how grateful they are towards God.
and how stupid we are to not realise sooner, that how much he had paid for our sins.
we are so not worthy, yet he still loves us.
anyway, i lost my handphone during my trip to cebu
so it would be lovely if you can send me a sms identifying yourselves. :)
yeah.

erm. if possible i'll try to upload some pictures.
but with my lappy lagging like mad, i doubt so.

this week been busy with SNB
went to SNB yesterday morning.
thinking that if i reach there early i'll get my license without any delay.
apparently, there's some misunderstanding between SNB and NP.
therefore i couldn't get my license
but those pple who go in the late afternoon they were then able to get it
cos the problem was solved in noon.
rah!
this is unfair.
oh well.
troublesome. i'll have to go down tml again.
collected my uniform from RH today.
thos uniforms were used before.
yike.
some are actually quite dirty.
mummy's complaining while washing it for me.
hey hey
not that i don't wanna wash them on my own.
it's just becos she wanna make sure that my uniforms are really clean.

been doing my driving lesson during the holidays.
spent so much money!
i think i've already spent up to $1000.

ohh ohh.
we are currently repainting walls in the youth hall.
we've got only a week to complete scrapping, sealing up the cracks and painting the walls.
and our manpower is simply pathetic.
so much work so few workers.

so much to do so little time.
i'll be starting work on the 13thapril.
so yea.
sigh start work.
SIGH

2008-10-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

heal my heart and make it clean.
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like you have love you.
break my heart for what breaks yours
everything i am/have is for your kingdom's cause
as i walk from here into eternity, to be with you.

without realising.
i have been drifting and drifting apart from God.
can't help but feel lost and aimless at certain point of time.
just very unsure of what God has already planned for me.
i need a clearer vision.
take my hand and walk with me.
lead and guide me
send your angels to support me.
because all i ever need is you and will be you.

first 6 weeks of attachment at raffles hospital seems short.
really short in fact
feels like i kinda enjoy my posting there
hm.
but there's quite a "high level" of politics going on over there.
wouldn't want to be working under such political pressure.
well, all i need is just probably 2 to 3 years of experience working as a real staff nurse in a hospital
and raffles seems like a good choice.
or rather the best choice, after comparing it with the other hospitals i've been to.
my preceptor at raffles during my first 6 week, is very nice.
she is able to guide us well. and really good at handling unreasonable patients.
alrights.
yea.

it has been a month since i last blogged.
there has been alot of ups and downs
little misunderstanding
caused us to injure and get hurted.

honestly i'm getting a little bored about blogging.
i'll probably close down my blog soon.
and get back to the old fashion diary writing days. :)
so old school! i like! :)
haha
lame-mo.

2008-09-15T00:24:00.003+08:00

i am so freaking pissed.
to the extent that my gastric juice starts to boil.
damn pain.
freaking uncomfortable.
feel like shit.

shit. morning shift tml.
stab me please.
i hate my life.

WENYAN!
YOUR BIRTHDAY IS COMING~

2008-08-25T22:22:00.001+08:00

stop giving the disgusting look
before i turn nasty.
bastard.

2008-08-18T22:40:00.000+08:00

i don't wanna see anymore pictures.
i trust that you are the healer.
you'll heal him.
like what you did before.
:(
i feel so depressed
but i know he feels worst.
though it has not been concluded but Lord
I TRUST IN YOU.
that nothing will happen to my baby boy.

please take your place.
our existance is simply just to glorify you, the Almighty.

2008-08-12T21:07:00.000+08:00

people like me deserve to be a loner
my biaojie whom i was closed to
is no longer close to me
my friends from sec school are dispersed now
only in contact with wenyan.
my friends other than wenyan and all are all guys.
and my boyfriend hate it when i wanna go out with my guy friends
what is his problem
do i look like a machine to him.
i kinda thankful that i'm in nursing.
just keep me occupied and busy.

i don't have many friends.
there are not many people i can talk to.

my boyfriend
the only one i hope to have love from
love me too much.
over protective.
over posessive.
i feel so alone.
i just don't deserve anyone to be there for me
even now i am alone.
i can't rely on anyone.
no one.
i gave all to him.
and this is what i get in return.

tell me what to do.
i'm lost.
i'm sad.
and there's nothing i can do about it.
cos i've already been made believe that i deserve all these.

2008-08-12T20:45:00.001+08:00

you took advantage of my patience with you.
really.
people around just like to take advantage when you try to be nice.
yea.

it was a day
a nice day
for me to sleep at home.
i missed my boy.
asked him to come find me after school at bukit panjang starbucks.
he came down
i was happy.
he was upset with the way i talked on the phone with zichee.
i was excited about going F1 with my clique
therefore i was a little loud.
why? i made you ambarrassed by talking loudly?
are you ambarrassed to be with me?
i am who i am
i talk like that
accept it or just forget about it.

i was surprisingly patient with him tonight.
i was shocked that i could be so patient.
but sadly
he just took advantage of it.
no body will understand
all i wanted was a nice time with him. just looking at him made me happy.
BUT wtf, HE IS SO HARD TO PLEASE.

and now he say he will just f off.
i don't know what is his problem now.
i am probably his problem.

this is my secret from now on.
i would let anyone know.

.
.

please.
it's torturing.
sigh.

2008-08-07T22:25:00.001+08:00

RUINED
TOTALLY RUINED.
it started with a bang
it ended with a bigger bang.
thanks so much for today.
happy 7months.

2008-08-05T20:56:00.000+08:00

HI TO ALL GOOD OLD FRIENDS
whom i havent met since don't know when.

hey people do date me soon.
i'll be off for VERY LONG TERM ATTACHMENT
starting august 25th.

soon..
i'll be kinda busy from then
all the way till next year roughly around feb.

miss you people. :)
LOVE.

2008-08-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

i miss you
you were so proud of me, being a nurse.
therefore i take pride as a nurse.
you are my support.
you educate me, though by the hard way.
as i think back.
i want to thank you. for what you've done
for who you are.
you've impact me greatly.
sometimes i felt your presence
it was so strong that it was as though you are still here with me.
hugging me so tightly in your small built arms.
reaching out to my face, with a sweet smile.
the sweetest smile to me.
it is sad to know that you're gone for now.
i'm gonna graduate soon.
and i want you to be proud of me. :)
becos i know you'll be glad knowing that i'm doing something to help others.
i miss the times, fetching you to church.
sending you home from church.
walking you up back home.
i truly miss you.

it was just too sudden.
i still can't believe you're gone.
..

:(

2008-07-31T01:28:00.000+08:00

it is not that i don't appreciate what you did for me.
yesterday you came down with my sunflower.
i was happy.
i just needed you here
now.
just to talk to me.
to comfort me.
if you are too busy say so
it is alright.
i'm fine with it.
just need you to say so.
i don't know what to do anymore.
maybe sometimes i shld really just shut my mouth.

2008-07-31T01:15:00.000+08:00

looks like i will never be able to be happy.
being happy is never gonna happen to me.
i'll only be happy for awhile
not for long.

sometimes i feel that it is really time for me to be real independent
then i wonder
so what's the point of having a boyfriend if i have to be independent
i am really stress
no one is there for me to sulk at to talk to.
not even my very own boyfriend.
so i'm here to sulk to my blog.
i doubt anyone hardly some to visit my blog
except maybe one or two who really care.
well
whoever is reading
please keep me in prayer
alot prayer
i feel like i'm going to collapse anytime
i need a pillar to lean on.

1st i went to school this afternoon to go my ns5 which is still not done til now.
i was being dragged out of bed, out of responsibility over my project
to be here online.
and here i am online
and my groupmates told me that i just need to check the slides.
come online just to check the slides?!
sigh.
i was going to sleep you know?
but it's alright
that wasn't the worst part
nothing of today has a WORST part.
just that everything tgt become the WORST.
waited for them for dinner
they didn't wanna go to the hawker
so i decided to go home instead
come home
thinking that my lovely brother will be at home to eat dinner with me
in the end
i ate maggi mee at home alone.
watching the tv
then my brother say
jie, can you dont watch too much tv
i cannot practice my piano
WTH
you wanna practice piano dont know how to use your mouth to ask?

right now i am really tired
but not sleepy at all
everything's jumbled up in my mind.
my life's screwed.
not even my closest one could be here for me.
it is not major actions i need
it is the minor ones
you'll nv understand.
i'm really tired.

i feel weak.
mentally physically spiritually and emotionally.
basically i am just so weak.
i have no one.
not even you baby.
i feel so lost.
i got no one to talk to.
not even you baby.

i miss the times we used to have
the fun.
not all this misunderstanding.

2008-07-29T00:47:00.002+08:00

you expect me to be understanding.
who is going to be understanding towards me.
i needed you.
you weren't there again.

time and time again
disappointment.
sadness, just overwhelm.

what have i done to not deserve the right treatment from people around me?

2008-07-28T23:06:00.000+08:00

i am seriously disappointed this time round
like totally
worst than the other time
i really don't know how to phrase it anymore
i am just disappointed.
feels like there's no one i can lean on.

\i feel lost.

it just screwed my day
my mood.
yea.
I HATE MONDAY.
if you hate mondays too
say yeah with me
YEAH!

2008-07-24T14:12:00.001+08:00

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.

Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.

It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.

But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.

You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

PSYCHOLOGIST!
hahaha!
the future "dr thomas"~
er maybe not.

2008-07-24T13:22:00.001+08:00

happen to see this at ruth's blog.
and i realised it's been so long since i last took such quizzes.

What Esther Lim Wan Shin Means

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.

You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.

You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

sometimes taking such quizzes is really encouraging
because the results are always so positive
we just want to hear things nice about us
people's compliment for us.
seriously i did felt a little encouraged.
and feel a little better about myself.
so don't bring me down.

2008-07-24T13:16:00.000+08:00

i'm kinda disappointed in myself.
i dont know why
got another warning letter for my WPD.
what the hell la.
i went for her blooding boring lecture
and still i got warning letter.
damn it.
this is damn sian la.
i just hope that i don't get debarred
and i want them to explain about my warning.
is it the tutorial or the lecture?
it feels random
getting a warning letter from WPD.

seriously can't wait to graduate.
i mean, we are already third year student.
don't make life tough for us.
it's not like we flunk our papers
i manage to pass all my modules!
WITHOUT attending ALL the lectures.
this is just unfair.
..

WPDNAPFACTFYP/

2008-07-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

surely God is faithful and his love endures forever.
through the hard times he'll carry me.
through the sad times he'll comfort me.
when i'm happy he'll celebrate and dance with me.
surely he is AWESOME.

help me Lord.
to deal with unfairness in my life.
a living sacrifice to you.

yeah
and its racial harmony day tml!
we shall take alot of pictures okie?
hopefully someone brings a camera and
that that someone will upload and send the pictures!
woohoo.
somehow
i dont know why
i'm kinda in a good mood now.
feel this peace?
this comfortable feeling.

to my love, my only boyfriend.
my sugar honey baby boy.
you cutie boy.
thanks for your patience your love and everything
despite me pmsing like mad
hurting you so much
emotionally physically
and yea.
i do feel guilty.
not just becos of the damages i've done
but becos i love you.
and i nv wanna hurt you.
stay with me okie?
don't leave me like the rest. :(
cause when it get dark and scary and intimidating out there
i need someone to be with me.
i need someone to comfort me.
and you are my best candidate.

i'm not gonna write you a love song
cos' you want me to
cos' you need one
i'm gonna write you a love song
simply becos i want to.
i love you.

2008-07-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

when everyone get so/too individual.
didn't even know there's a freaking ns5 lecture today.
of cos i am pissed.
none of my friends/classmates actually breathe a shit about it
1st the it the choosing of our IS module
now its this shit
sigh.
disappointed
that's all i can say.
about the napfa,
i gave them whatever information i had
when they did not even bother to go for the last lecture of the day when doctor pang came to addressed about it.
i could have been selfish.
i really can't wait to complete my blooding diploma and get my ass out of this school.
disappointment.
that's all.
which led to frustration.
guess i just have to be independent.
just do my part and ignore the rest.
damn it.
it just make me so pissed off.

really disappointed.
sigh.

happy birthday to minghui.

2008-07-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

PMS.
STAY AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANNA GET BITTEN

alright.
basically
today is the one bring one service
and i brought no one.
my friend, no one.
sometimes i really wonder how they actually expect us to bring friends to church.
it's like when i brought friends
my friends got left out.
they had bad impressions of my church
already they had bad experiences with other churches.
it is just had for me to bring friends to church.
not that i don't have the courage or the "force" to get them to come.
it's just that i don't want them to have even worse impression of coming to church.
well
who says you can only testify to them in church. :)

people who cares only about the surface
God knows the desires in our hearts.

i think my parent's Christian education classes are so much better than the classes we are having in youth.
no offense
just feel that way.
and i feel sad upon feeling that way.

leaving me out. :)
i'm glad it's like that.
right now.

oh and mr. LAPPY is finally back home with me.
was with boyfriend for the past few days.
need it back from him for my projects and stuff.
so YEAH!

2008-07-07T14:06:00.000+08:00

and.
we had gone through ups and downs together.
happy 6 months my dear.
:)
my baby boy
just needs more pampering than normal boys.

alright now.
dear Lord i would like to just commit my dear friend meijie into your hands
i just pray that Lord you will watch over her entire family.
through this tough time that they are going through
the devil is here to kill steal and destroy
but Lord you restore
for you shelter us from scary storms.
i just pray for more strength and courage in my little friend
she may be small and petite but her potential is great.
just bless her.
and just help her through all the difficulties.
one day may she be touched by your awesome love.
thank you.
in Jesus' name i pray.
AMEN.

and coming sunday is our one bring one service
i have no idea of who to bring.
so yea.
whoever is free this coming sunday at 10am
wanna come my church?
hahahaha.
what a lousy invitation. bleh.
doubt i'll be bringing anyone. =/

oh well.
busy days are coming baby.
patience, we need more.
love you.

2008-07-02T12:47:00.000+08:00

because i love you so.
so don't go breaking my heart;
spent my day out with my boy.
i did went school for class
just skipped my last lecture
which i have been saving to for rainy days like today.
:)
just feel that we haven't been spending a day out tgt
so i had saved today for my boy.
we went for sushi and watched a movie.
watched this movie called the deception
erm.
i would say it's a rather interesting movie
it kept me thinking though
it is quite torturing to my mind.
shld have watched something else
something more entertaining
but well
didn't allow it to spoil our day

oh oh oh
hahaha.
i guess wenyan and i got this telepathy thing!
we met each other coincidentally in bus 190
while i was on the way to church
and she was on the way to meet her mummy daddy.
then today!
i saw her at the cathay
waiting for her friends
studying tgt
and her friend's boyfriend is actually ken's primary school track and field friend!
coincidence
SMALL small world.

my day was good.
just that it could have been better
yeah.
i do things to please you just so that you will be happy.
simply because you are important to me.
and baby, we are going to 6 months.

2008-06-26T14:56:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to seokteng.
i miss that girl.

today is a freaking bloody idiotic day
ahya actually its not that bad la.
had my dental appointment only after waiting for nearly one and a half hour.
initially i wasn't feeling that pissed off.
but yea.
rah!
waited for so bloody long!
just for a freaking dental appointment.
but yea
thank God my root canal treatment is over.
crowning treatment will be next.
crowning shouldn't be as painful as root canal treatment.
oh yea.
i totally didn't blog about my tooth.
had a terribly decaying tooth few years back. went dental to get the fillings done.
recently the pain got back and bad
beared with the pain thinking that it will go away
beared for 3 days
finally couldn't take it
decided to go seek of dental advice.
found out that my nerve got injured
therefore causing all the pain
resulting a final solution which is root canal.
thought of plunking the stupid tooth out
was being psycho out of it by the dentist.
so yea.
root canal.
cost my parent a freaking THOUSAND dollar.
i shall go for regular check up.
yea.

results are out
i don't dare to see. =/

TIRED.

2008-06-24T14:04:00.000+08:00

there's so many things i wanna blog about.
but i really got no time.
holiday seems to be REALLY short.
feels like there isn't any holiday at all.
back to school again
my 1st day of school.
busy like crap.
1st day of school and i realize there is a lot of work i'll need to hand in.
and i just got no time for it.
anyway church camp was great.
it could be better though.
yea.
actually it's kinda screwed up.
anyway who cares.
it's over.
and i'm glad.
yea.
didn't felt like i could really enjoy my church camp.
becos it is as stressful as any of my normal school days.
doing stuff, meeting "datelines" just like any other projects.
feel that it is kinda meaningless.
at least last year there was some team building.
this year i felt really detached.
anyway
who cares.
its over
and i'm glad.
damn.

unhappiness.
uncontented.
dissatisfaction.

well
it's sucks to be back in school anyway.
though my class started like at 11
i felt so tired.
so damn tired.
drag myself out of the bed.
been having headache the entire day.
ah!
i just feel pissed.
so many stuffs to do.
can't the school just spare us all this work during our holiday.
and can't my church just spare us.
i'm really tired.
i'm breaking apart.
and it's hard for me to tell you.
cos it's not like you can understand.
you'll probably see it as an excuse.
but i am really tired.
tired of all these.
tired of life.
tired of living.
tired of all these acts which pple put up infront of each other everyday.
i just wanna sleep for very long.
i'm not running away from the problem.
i just wanna stay away for a while.
i need to cry out loud.
yet i just couldn't do so.

i need my talk with GOD.
i long for more.
more than this.

2008-06-09T12:45:00.000+08:00

church camp tml!
i havent finish packing my stuff though. heh. =)

wee!~
looking forward to church camp
this is gonna be fun
hopefully
yea.

..

2008-06-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

two more days
two more papers.

i can't just wait to go for church camp.
i need my holiday.
i wanna go sentosa
wee!~

take me away
i'll go fly fly fly~

2008-06-03T13:48:00.000+08:00

as i was checking my mail.
one of this normal looking chain mail caught my attention

and this is way it led me to..

Pledge to go fur-free at PETA.org.

this is so saddening.
this is the worst thing doing of man kind
no wonder God sent earthquake
human being shld put down everything and repent to God.
this is really terrible
if you have the courage to finish watching the entire video.
good for you.
i couldn't.
it is so heart breaking.
those cute little things.

common test
i just can't wait to be finished with common test.
just had my 1st paper today
3 more days
3 more papers.

prayers are all that we need.
cos in times of fear
we can only turn to him alone.
like the old hyme
"In Christ alone, i place my trust.."

2008-05-29T17:33:00.000+08:00

we are going to 5 months.
seems so fast
yet so slow.

hahaha.
oh well.
it have been a wonderful 4 months plus.
though we quarreled alot
shouted and screamed at each other
i still love you baby.

though much have been said and done
i still want those sweet memories
to cover those bitter ones.

it's a stressful month
so much work to be done.
causing both of us to feel so highly irritable
all i ask for is patience
and more patience
all this will be over very soon
yes it will be. very soon.
common test coming.
sense the long term attachment, coming nearer and nearer
it's scary.
and gonna be so tiring.
there goes my weekends in church.

after this 3 years course many may fall behind.
giving up what they've learnt in these 3 years.
i don't know what am i going to do after graduating
but i do know that you already had it all planned out.
and i'm trusting in you.
man may fail
but YOU will not.

been two days since i last went school.
i'm not just slacking at home.
been mugging.
mugging
but not sure if all the information went in.
well not just mugging la.
maybe i did spend some time in front of the tv
spend some time with my piano which i havent been touching.

and i probably need my sleep.
yea. it gonna be 3.
yawn.
resume cover letters! rah! killing me.

2008-05-20T04:41:00.000+08:00

to my beloved secondary school FRIENDS.

just i was preparing for an interview tml
i was flipping thru our graduation folder
and i really miss my life in sec sch
having friends like you pple.
SEA
class 3/8 and 4/8
other pple from other classes.
people like taiwei benjamin
i used to hang out with during end of sec 2
friends like cheryl yiting kexin, i hang out with when i felt left out by the SEA
people like joanna sarah chamayne jerina.
evelyn my very 1st friend in regent.
wenyan my beloved laogong whom i met in our very 1st year
a year of separation
led us back to same the class in sec 3
funs and laughter we had
gossips which we shared.
nonsense we played on our teachers.
hongkuang and poksheng.
left memories too.
the BIG fight the girls had with them in our last year in regent
denise my girl. the after school sessions we had.
sarah my lovely "daughter", classmates for four year
weichong that BIG GUY, same class thru out my regent chapter
pris, my purple fan. the crazy stuff we did tgt.
yuwei gheeboon killva sophia yuxin
the times we had as a whole group of girl
going to school everyday was such fun
everyday was fille with laughter with you girls.
facing every ostacles we had tgt.
something which not many can go thru tgt.
i'm glad i've met you people.

huiqi, my crying partner
i turn to her whenever i needed someone to cry on.
she turned to me when she needed me too.
and now we have to miss each other.
frog roy and gang
noisy group of people.
cheehong and laoda, the nice guys.
weeyung weeshen, i used to mixed them up.
hengling, after prelims we kept going to her home to chill.
kwaiyee, YOU BETTER DON'T FROWN.
bing bing my LAMEst creature.

sorry to those i didn't named
my mind is so filled with the old days.

my SEA
seokteng, the one could turn to.
the one everyone would turn to for help.
the one who cares for everyone in the group.
the adviser
manda, the i could talk to
the one who would listen.
the listener.
ann, the noisy one.
though sometime too noisy
but brought laughter and fun into our group.
i love you girls.
though we hardly talk now.
yea. :) take care and all the best.

hahas. this entry do look like some"before i die i need to tell you this.." kinda note.
but well,
i really missed what we had in sec school.
regent may not be the best school
but it definitely gathered the best group of friends there.

wish me luck for my interview tml
it's actually a test.
i'll be missing you, my friends. :)
til we meet again.
love.

2008-05-19T14:54:00.000+08:00

assholes.
HUR!

hey my boyfriend.
i love you.
thanks for being so patient with me.
i know my temper has been very bad lately.
just bear with it okie?
i'm just pmsing, terribly.
yea.
i still love you alot.
and i need you.
i can't wait to go for church camp with you this year.
i'm sure we're going to have a great time tgt.
just us.
yea.

been kinda disappointed with things
and stuffs like that.
sigh.
probably just sick and tired of all these happenings that are happening.
its irritating me.

some people just need to grow up.
yea grow up kid.
..

2008-04-27T13:30:00.000+08:00

when everything means nothing.

oh oh
met my poly girls to cut our hair at alvina's cousin's place.
:)
i like my new hairstyle
i havent took any picture of this new hairstyle
but well.
i like it.
bang
wanna see my new hairdo
ask me out.
wee!~

oh and sorry denise
i can't go on tues.
i got to work.
hm.

talking about work.
it's creating too much trouble
i'll probably quit.
well, i need to pray about it though
i hope God will just provide me another job.
flexible working hours
pay is not a factor.

too much said and done.
pride is a factor.
sadness pain and hurt, came into the picture.
even eraser can't erase all these away.
prayer is all i need.
keep me in prayer.

without you
where else can i go.

i still love you.

sigh, take me away.

2008-04-24T12:21:00.000+08:00

it's been so long since we last not meet up.
i miss you boy.
:)
but its okie
i'll see you tml, right?

can't waste time.
you're on my heart
just like a tattoo
i'll always have you.
right?

i want you to be in every part of my life.
i need your protection.
105days officially yours

school's been busy.
sigh.
fullstop.

2008-04-09T08:29:00.000+08:00

i hope you really understand
i hope you really do.
it's hard for me.
i know you can't accept what i said.
but that's how i feel.
and it's reasonable.
it's not like i'm not making sense.

please don't be like that.
sigh.
i need you.

my final theory test tml!
ah!
and i haven't study.
haha.

oh well.
*shrug*
i'm going to friendster now. :)

2008-04-07T14:08:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah
we went for buffet at sakura
we were so hungry that we forgot to take any picture.

anyway
the air con broke down
the whole place was so warm.
and the food aint very fantastic either.
oh well.
it doesnt really matter if you're hungry
right? haha.

and tml.
probably another day to sentosa.
i'm suffering from some kinda emo swing though.
so my dear
please try to bear with me.

my finally theory test is this wed!
hopefully i'll be able to pass on my 1st round.
hopefully no retaking.

overall it's quite a nice day
we were out playing pool at paradiz before we went to meet my parents for buffet.
well
i think food at penang place is like much nicer than food at sakura
yea.
i'm proud of penang place
just that the pay is a little too pathetic.
i need another job.
someone intro please. =D

and chester is REMINDING me that
HIS BIRTHDAY IS IN ONE MONTH'S TIME.
so yea. i owe him present since last year la.
hahaha!
=x opps.
so well. i'll try to get you something this year.
heh.

ohh ohh.
i'm taking clinical trail as my IS module. :(
everyone is going to take drugs!
i feel so lonely. :(
i'm gonna be such a loner. :(
so SAD! rah.

bye bye.
and i love you, boyfriend.

2008-04-05T16:52:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging only becos you asked me to.
where shall i start from.
lets go all the way back to last friday
yeah man.
my beloved laogong asked me out
we went on a double date
laogong laogong's jude, ken and i
it was good. funtime!
wee!~
ohh ohh before i post any picture of that day
i wanna show my new found favourite ice cream!
it's GREEN TEA ice cream
it's really nice.
both ken and i love it alot.
=D

YEAH!
ICE CREAM ICE CREAM ICE CREAM

okie
here we go.
last fri we met at far east
was thinking of what to have for dinner
then i suggested to eat at hongkong cafe

me and my boy.

LAOGONG.

HERE COMES THE FOOD.

fooling around.

THE FOOD'S GONE!
wee!~ yum yum.
after dinner
we shopped around cine
both wenyan and i got our new bikinis.
after that we went dempsey for ICE CREAM
YES ICE CREAM AGAIN
ben and jerry's ice cream.
it was nice. :)

haha. forgot to take picture of the ice cream.

this morning went to sentosa with my boy.
:)
we had a great time out tgt.
talking about everything.

he said he love me!

my hair look like shit.
anyway that's my new bikini!
yeah
wee!~

it's like a weekly outing
today
we met again
this time without jude.
HEY JUDE WHY YOU NV JOIN US?!
HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH.
we met at suntec for fish and co
ken and i shared seafood patter for two.
and wenyan had newyork fish and chip.
the food was good. :)
i love.

me and my boy. <3
<
me and my girl. :)

more pictures. :)

my lovely biscuits
take a closer look

he gave this to me. :)
YEAH.
it is something special.

can't imagine he can actually fold such thing. :)
sweetness cuteness little boy.

waffle! from icekimo.
oh well waffle from waffletown is nice.

dear Lord.
thank you for everything
that you have given to me.
thank you for sending me a boyfriend
after i've wished for one at my 18th birthday.
he has been good to me.
though we have many disagreement
Lord i just pray that you will watch over us.
bless our relationship.
dear Lord
i love this boy
please give him to me.
continue to protect us from all danger and evil.
grant us journey mercy wherever we go.
i pray for love between us.
that we can accept each other flaws
like how you accept us for who we are.
and as we go and rest tonight
dear Lord.
just grant us good sleep.
that tml we'll be able to go church to worship you tgt.
in Jesus' name i pray.
AMEN. :)

THANK YOU LORD.

2008-04-01T15:21:00.000+08:00

and you're gone again
sigh.
i shall stop complaining to you.
it makes me desperate to have a reply from you.
and i'm simply sick of doing all this talking, and complaining.
i'm gonna stop.
i won't make you suffer under my complaints.

i've been feeling kinda unstable lately.
emotional unstable.
i'm sad to say that
i feel like going to the beach alone and stuff like that.
nah.
mayb i just feel like going to the beach
probably not alone.
it's quite sad to go beach alone.
sad as in
makes me sad
i'll think alot and indulge in sadness.
haha.
crazy.
oh ohh.
chester bought havianas for me!
wee!~
THANK YOU CHOW WING WING.

oh yea
my timetable suck!
to the core
oh well.
it's okie
at least i got my friday ending early at 12!
yeah!
so i guess fridays will be shopping days!

been working lately.
church-ing
dating.
yea.
ohh ohh ohh
watch 10 000 BC!
IT'S DAMN NICE.
i like the sound effect
the scenes in the movie are really good.
:)
4 out of 5 stars for it

tml night will be at ken's place
FOR BBQ.

oh i miss my poly girls.
i hope they're doing fine at attachment.
IMH.
PROBABLY HAVING FUN OVER THERE.
i mean the patients may be define as "crazy"
but there are really nice pple there
nice patients.
yup.
:)
nice nurses.
yea.

oh well.
i wanted to put some pictures.
mayb the next time i blog la.
i'm too lazy to upload.
it's a great effort in posting this entry already
so appreciate it.
wee!

dear denise
i miss you dearly.
:)
do plan something
like sentosa girls day-out?

ohh ohh ohh.
my brother's school is having this carnival thingy!
some day in july.
i'm kinda looking forward to it
cos i really like carnivals.

okie.
i shall stop here.
i'm talking too much nonsenses.
tata.
*yawn*

oh ohh!
and happy april fool's day.
have fun going around fooling pple.
yeah!

2008-03-12T02:27:00.000+08:00

my boyfriend is away.
its less than 24hrs and i'm already missing him.
imagine i have to go thru the rest of the week without him.

posting at IMH is OVER!
WOOHO~
I KINDA MISS THAT PLACE THOUGH.
can't believe i actually enjoyed my posting there.
the nurses there are very nice
the environment is good.
the location of the place SUCKS.
that's the only thing most of us hate about IMH. :)

will be at KKH for two weeks
wee!~
paeds :)
cute little brats!

ah! i miss you boy!
come monday come.
come quick!
sigh.
this is harder than i thought it would be.
i love you. :)

2008-03-03T08:30:00.000+08:00

when nothing matters
when i give up.

i wanna say good bye to you.

it's tough.
it seems everyday
routine
between us.
i'm tired of it.
i tried to bear with it.
you made me feel worthless
and unwanted.
i'm sad to say that i still feel that way.

and so yesterday night went out after church to meet my lovely poly friends
friends
not just CLASSMATES.
hahaha
minghui is leaving for aussie. :)
its like a meet up before she leaves.
i need my holiday too!
i need shopping therapy.
i feel that i'm sad.
so i think i shld buy some stuff
and make myself happy.
yea. though its kinda late now
i think i still wanna go for a little shopping later.
yea.
just to cheer myself up.

i don't see a point for me to blog actually.
mayb i shld just delete this meaningless blog.

and i miss her.
no one understands
not even you.

i feel so helpless and lonely
that i wanna cry out LOUD.
and you're the one who made me feel this way.

can anyone make things right again?

5 more days baby.
and soon you'll be gone. :(

i hate being me.

2008-02-24T16:44:00.000+08:00

it's a blessing in disguise
she left before she left.
she didn't have to watch her suffer
she didn't have to watch her leave.
she left before her
to welcome her in heaven
i hope.

think about his love
think about his goodness
think about his grace
that has brought us through
great is the measure of our father's love.

i seriously dont understand
i just dont know what to do
when you mood swing like that.
it feels like shit.
you feeling like shit.
and you made me feel like shit.
please think about how you impact me too.
i feel tired.
helpless.
maybe i shldn't have called you.
you probably just didnt wanna talk at that point of time.
ahh! i feel so frustrated.
i can't sleep.
i feel hurted once again.
i don't know what you want.

i'm sad. :(
byebye.

2008-02-20T02:45:00.000+08:00

the last thought before i fell asleep.
the first thought when i'm awake.
thanks to mummy, the morning call.
she just love to remind me stuff.

you don't give a damn.

can't imagine i'm going into the exam hall like that.
it won't happen to tml's paper.
i don't wanna end up retaking this three modules in my third year.
yea, okie. :)

i feel constipated, again.
rah.

2008-02-19T19:51:00.000+08:00

i still can't sleep
i can't seem to study either.
damn.
i feel kinda brainwashed
his words kept coming in.
i start to believe, and doubt.

friday come quick.
i need shopping therapy.
desperately.
:(

right now i need sleeping pills.

2008-02-18T16:24:00.000+08:00

i wanna change blogskin!
but i cant seem to find one which i like.
i wanna create my own blogskin.
but i dont know how to.
sigh.

exams
attachment
HOLIDAY!~

and when's our ZOO date? :(

2008-02-16T17:07:00.000+08:00

you are sweetness.
the next best thing that can ever happen.
i don't wanna be demanding
or anything like that.
i care alot for you.
maybe i shld ask lesser qnses.
i know my qnses are irritating at times
you probably find them irritating
but didn't say so.
i'm probably thinking too much though.

ah! damn the cramp!

hold me tight; love me right.

2008-02-16T16:58:00.000+08:00

my valentine.

my lovely surprise.

i love those flowers.

sometimes i feel unwanted
sometimes i feel that you're pissed with me
sometimes i ask too many qnses
you said you feel insecured
i guess i feel even more insecured than you.
i am never irritated by your qnses
but i'm not sure if you'll ever feel irritated by my qnses.
probably your patience is running dry.
everything i do
is out of concern for you.
i'm probably too sensitive too.
sensitive to the extent that i assume things?
i dont wanna assume no more
so can you make me assured?

nevertheless
thanks for everything.
and i love you.

went to wenyan's house just now.
a mini gathering
among us again
i finally get to meet bing bing again
i miss that girl.
:)
it was nice
i shldn't have brought you there.
i feel guilty.
i shldn't have just wanna bring you, and then just bring you.
i'm selfish
knowing that you got paper the next paper still i asked you along.
sigh.
i'm such bad influence.

lowesteem

2008-02-09T05:55:00.000+08:00

alright.
it was an accident
i kinda deleted my last blog.
damn.
oh well.
i've been wanting to get a new url for my blog anyway
so here is it.

i'm kinda pissed with stuff.
i won't stop denying that its just my pms.
i guess everyone's pmsing too
i wish for this to be over
serious
i can't take it anymore
i'm feeling this pressure already

exams are coming
and i've not study for it.
time management.

please catch me
hold me tight
i dont wanna fall and stray away from you.

i'm so worried about you.
after our conversation last night.
i really dont wanna lose you.
i dont want anything to happen
to you
to us.